My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
