I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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