then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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