I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
