I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
