end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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