May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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