Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
