I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize