Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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