I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
