So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
