she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
