My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
