You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Randomize
