giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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