i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
