I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
