Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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