Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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