dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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