So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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