Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
