What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
