Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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