and i looked up. we had an audience...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
