is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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