Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
