whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Alive.
So much puke
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
