the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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