The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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