help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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