...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
