we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
