dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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