She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
