OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Randomize
