My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
