Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
