I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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