I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
