What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
