my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
