CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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