just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
