His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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