Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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