i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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