So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
