The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
