it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
