you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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