I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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