doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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