let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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