i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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