So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You left your phone here
Wait...
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