Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
