I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
