I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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