Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
