THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
