btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
