you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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