i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
