hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Randomize
