i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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