Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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