Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
