I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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