My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
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i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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