Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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