I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
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Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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