After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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