Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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